Fake It

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So, after alienating everyone who lives in the union's most dense state, I forge ahead to try my hand at answering some very important questions.

1) Why is it funny to see a picture of an animal smoking a cigarette and drinking booze?
2) Why are pictures of inter-species intercourse funny?

The other day I was looking at funny pictures. I was doing this to create a DVD cover for my friend as a gag birthday gift. I wanted to do something like, "How to Get by with a Small Pecker," or "Create Your Own Gay Pornography." I finally settled on "Why You Suck at Poker and can't Get a Date and are Just, in General, a Loser."

In any case, I ran into numerous pictures of animals smoking cigarettes on the web site that claimed to have, "Insane Pictures." This is a humor I do not understand. Is it funny to see an animal doing the self-destructive things that humans do? Are we laughing at our own silliness in engaging in these activities during late nights out on the town? Probably. I think it is silly enough watching actual human animals do such things. And even sillier being one of them. And sillier still using "silly" so many times in a paragraph.

I remember the moment I came to the realization that all my working friends had jobs that they were not too excited about yet worked all week to make the money to spend on the weekends. It seemed like a grim future. There have been many times I look out over the crowd as people eye each other, spend their money, and make un-enlightening conversation, just wondering what we are trying to achieve? I voiced this observation once and my drinking buddy asked if I was on acid.

The definite end-of-the-line culmination of these "Insane Pictures" was one of Yoda with a cigarette and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Even the wise must sometimes stop spouting knowledge and imbibe. It does make you wonder what kind of things Yoda says and does while drunk? You can let your mind wander from here.

I think I've just had an insight. Right now while I was thinking about what to write about the second question. Here it is: It is funny to see an animal doing what humans normally do. It is funny to think of these animals as having feelings. You see that squirrel trying to get it on with that cat and you wonder about the thought process. That squirrel will screw anything with a tail. I get it. Ha. Too funny.

The man behind the lunch counter wants to know what I want on my sandwich. I ordered the special. Give me whatever goes on the special. As a matter of fact, just give me whatever you want. It all tastes pretty good.

As I pondered getting cable television, I realized the only real reason I wanted it was to watch MTV. Many people I know have been talking about the video for this song or that song, and I wanted to be in on the conversation. I wanted to be able to tell them how much each video annoyed me and why.

Ordering food at a fast food joint has made itself even simpler than it ever was. All you have to do is ask for a meal number and you get a sandwich, drink, and fries, complete with all the condiments. In fact, it can fluster the cashier if you actually say the corporately defined name of the sandwich you want to eat. Don't muddy the issue at hand with names. The days of Big Macs and Whoppers are gone. Just give me a number one. And biggie size it!

I am from a generation that grew up watching television. I will chew whatever you throw at me. There are certain lines that must be drawn (for example I would never watch… umm… let's see…), but most of the time, it's all the same. I admit that I do see people around me specifying in which direction the honey mustard should be spread on their turkey wrap, but I don't understand them. Don't they watch television? Don't they know that you can't control what happens behind the screen? You are lucky you get to decide what channel to watch.