Fake It

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So, after alienating everyone who lives in the union's most dense state, I forge ahead to try my hand at answering some very important questions.

1) Why is it funny to see a picture of an animal smoking a cigarette and drinking booze?
2) Why are pictures of inter-species intercourse funny?

The other day I was looking at funny pictures. I was doing this to create a DVD cover for my friend as a gag birthday gift. I wanted to do something like, "How to Get by with a Small Pecker," or "Create Your Own Gay Pornography." I finally settled on "Why You Suck at Poker and can't Get a Date and are Just, in General, a Loser."

In any case, I ran into numerous pictures of animals smoking cigarettes on the web site that claimed to have, "Insane Pictures." This is a humor I do not understand. Is it funny to see an animal doing the self-destructive things that humans do? Are we laughing at our own silliness in engaging in these activities during late nights out on the town? Probably. I think it is silly enough watching actual human animals do such things. And even sillier being one of them. And sillier still using "silly" so many times in a paragraph.

I remember the moment I came to the realization that all my working friends had jobs that they were not too excited about yet worked all week to make the money to spend on the weekends. It seemed like a grim future. There have been many times I look out over the crowd as people eye each other, spend their money, and make un-enlightening conversation, just wondering what we are trying to achieve? I voiced this observation once and my drinking buddy asked if I was on acid.

The definite end-of-the-line culmination of these "Insane Pictures" was one of Yoda with a cigarette and a bottle of Jack Daniels. Even the wise must sometimes stop spouting knowledge and imbibe. It does make you wonder what kind of things Yoda says and does while drunk? You can let your mind wander from here.

I think I've just had an insight. Right now while I was thinking about what to write about the second question. Here it is: It is funny to see an animal doing what humans normally do. It is funny to think of these animals as having feelings. You see that squirrel trying to get it on with that cat and you wonder about the thought process. That squirrel will screw anything with a tail. I get it. Ha. Too funny.

I am not a Kid Rock fan. He earned my respect by making people utter the word, "Bawitdaba," but his music was not mine. All I knew about Kid Rock was his real name, his Detroit roots, and his ability to put Gary Coleman and American flags into videos. Perhaps I did groove a little bit to "Cowboy," now that I think about it. Oh yeah, and then there was, "Only God knows why."

A few months after grooving, I heard that Sheryl Crow did a small show with Gwyneth Paltrow and Kid Rock as guests. When I got wind of a second Sheryl performance, I decided to get tickets. Since the only thing keeping Gwyneth and I from the downtown flat where we're destined to grow old together is the fact that we have yet to meet, I decided I better put in a little face time in her general vicinity.

After performing three songs with her band, Sheryl brought out Kid Rock to help with "Sweet Home Alabama" vocals. Though I am not a fan, it was still exciting to see the PAUL inked on his arm. It was proof that he was, in fact, Kid Rock.

Now, I had heard rumors of a Kid Rock-Sheryl Crow romance, but I was concentrating on the music. And the music was good. Rock stayed on stage for quite a while, and was even left to sing us a song solo. He was humble. He was making fun of himself. He was charming. He proved his talent. And PAUL was still there to prove that the person up on stage was, in fact, Kid Rock, even though he wasn't playing the part of American bad-ass.

Small venue. Fans that were not his own. Bob Ritchie dropping his act. Right?

A few days later there were rumors of a Kid Rock-Pamela Anderson romance. Could it be that the Kid Rock I saw was the act to woo Sheryl Crow? Along with me, did he fool Sheryl? But, most importantly, where was Gwyneth during all of this?