do you ever wonder why the music gets you high?

Yes, it's true. The bastard's kidnapped my Celebrity, and won't return it until I fulfill his insane demands --

1. kick his bowling ass,
2. help him meet Joey "the" Fatone,
3. allow him to create copyright-defying freebased versions for all of his "indie" friends.

He has an N*Sickness, friends, and it is time to stop enabling pop-junkies like Tony Hightower. When his own friends sit around Sidewalk Cafe, of all places, and extoll the virtues of boy bands right in his face, I think we may have gone too far. Please, someone close to Tony, recover my CD and drop me an e-mail to let me know he's safe. Oh, make him over! We can then discuss arrangements for returning the disc to its rightful owner. And soon.

May I suggest a clean, family-safe alternative?

Dirty pop!